The secret lives of referees: Premier League refs have almost come to blows, party with young women on boozy trips, love a tattoo – and there’s more who don’t like Jurgen Klopp!

When Mark Clattenburg quit the Premier League in 2017, it was in part motivated by frustration at the dehumanisation of his profession.

We wanted — indeed, want — our referees to be robots, one step removed from our being, especially in an age of VAR. Free-kick. Corner. Yellow card. Red card. Go home, plug themselves in and return fully charged the next time.